"What's a Pastafarian? Does that mean you like to eat pasta?"
No. But I do like to eat pasta though.
Anyway, let me tell you a story...
One day, I was alone at my house. It was late noon and I got very hungry. So I decided to risk food poisoning myself by trying to cook myself a meal of pasta! (I have poor cooking skills, don't laugh) I took out a handful of spaghetti and popped it into a pot of boiling water with some seasoning and salt. Then I waited, and accidentally fell asleep on the kitchen table.
Something woke me up. Soft, long, thin and squishy, wetting my face as it slowly glided across my face. I looked up and there it was, a monstrosity so weird I almost thought it was a dream. It was a huge ball of interweaving spaghetti, curling around two meatballs as large as my head. Floating in the air, its spaghetti ends probed the surrounding like a tentacle. And it had eyes! Two protruding eyes stuck on its top side, in an almost crab-like fashion.
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| How it looked like |
"Bow upon your maker," a voice rang in my head. There wasn't anything to be found in the surrounding that could have made that voice. The spaghetti monster looked at me with intend. It squinted, and the voice rang again, "I am your maker. Bow to me, and I shall grant you a place among the blessed."
So I did. I didn't know what else to do (perhaps I couldn't have ignored its command and eat it? I was hungry.). And then it disappeared with a flash.
Maybe I was blinded for the moment, maybe the flash knocked me out. But I found myself waking up again. Was it a dream? But it felt so real! Then I remembered the spaghetti I was boiling. When I looked at the pot, it was.... it was gone!
No way... Where did it go? There wasn't anyone else in the house, nobody else could have eaten it. Then it dawned on me that the spaghetti was the same spaghetti monster that I've encountered earlier! That's it, right? How else can you explain the disappearance of the spaghetti?
That day, I did a research on the internet and I found out that there were many people with the same experiences. They've all met the maker. Our maker. And they have a name for it - The Flying Spaghetti Monster. That's it. It's real! The spaghetti monster is real! I mean, millions of people have been touched by His noodly appendage, how can you explain such a coincidence? There is no way all of us hallucinated and had the same exact experience (boiling spaghetti, flying spaghetti monster appeared, disappearance of the spaghetti). Science couldn't explain this. This had to be a divine experience!
And so I believed. Although many other people were skeptical. But it doesn't matter. I have faith, you see. And that is all I need to believe in our maker the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I have experienced his noodly grace. Maybe if you try cooking spaghetti with a room in your heart to accept Him, you will be able to meet Him too. (And why am I so sure it was a "He"? Because it has two large meatballs you see, and we know He created man using Himself as a reference.)
To all atheists who questioned my faith, I do not blame you. I know my maker created you so that you can test my faith in Him, so that my faith can grow stronger everyday. I thank you, but at the same time I sympathize you for being so blind. He is everywhere, people in the world has been eating His gift to mankind, the spaghetti, for hundreds of years. Surely this is a sign that He exists! Not? Argue all you want, you are not going to convince me. I have experienced His noodly grace, and that is enough for me to believe in His existence. My only hope is that He is forgiving enough not to send you to the Land of Macaroni, where the Grounded Angel of Macaroni lives. There they will feed you macaroni everyday, thinking of it gives me the shivers. Sometimes I can't help but to cry when I think of the poor souls who couldn't experience His noodly grace and were sent to Land of Macaroni.
But such is live, right? You win some you lose some. Although sometimes I still do not understand why doesn't our maker just appear when everyone is cooking spaghetti and convince them. He wanted people to acknowledge Him as our maker but He is just so shy. I guess He has His big plan that I do not understand. Who does, right? He is made of spaghetti flour, I am just made out of... of dusts in the ground ( Pastagenesis 9.1 ). Surely dusts could not understand flour, right?
That is all I have to say today. I hope the fact that I am coming out as a Pastafarian will not get me into trouble. Our numbers are still small for now, but remember all religions started small. If we could persevere, we would eventually be able to bring His noodly grace to everyone in the world, just like other religions did for their god (although I am not convinced of their god, because I know mine is the real one. And the truth will always prevail!)
Onwards, Pastafarians. Let's bring His noodly grace to everyone on earth. Let His noodly appendage touch the heart of billions, and create an ultimate paradise for us his creations to live in. Long live Flying Spaghetti Monster! R'amen.
Till next time, cheers.
O.O
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